Is it normal to miss your booty call?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
