I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
