i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
