i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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