one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
