no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
