Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize