I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
be right there i have to get my cape
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
