Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
