what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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