It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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