fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
