I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Pants are for mortals
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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