this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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