theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
