ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
