so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
