i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
