he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
