Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
