peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
