Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
