apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Randomize
