I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
