And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
