me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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