I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
