i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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