Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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