New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
