You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
