Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
