You're my little dorito
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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