We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
