I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
