What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
