Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
