Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
