I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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