woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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