Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
