I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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