About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
