Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
