just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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