If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
