I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
