I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
