so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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