I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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