We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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