Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
