I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
