Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
