i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
